Hello again.

In recent weeks thanks to depression and job hunting stress I’ve found myself stalled on developing The Real Housespouses of X, an adventure module for Goblin Archive’s Liminal Horror. Apparently I can’t write a DOOM Counter to save my life. The wheels in my brain had ground to a complete halt. I would stare at my outline and despair that the words wouldn’t come.

So I said fuck it - what if I tried to playtest what I had?

Inspired by watching the live plays of The Mall (found here) and The Bureau (found here) I got my Saturday game group together and we rolled some Housespouses.

The Setup

As it stands, the PCs play as Housespouses filming an episode where they are doing a séance and their mutual plastic surgeon’s mansion. The plastic surgeon rents out their mansion for various events while they are vacationing, and its remoteness lends itself well to the spooky vibe the episode is trying to evoke. However, the plastic surgeon is not on vacation but sequestered in their subbasement, experimenting on kidnapped victims, trying to develop the most aesthetic body possible in complete secret.

Meanwhile, the séance actually works, killing the power and unleashing the experiments, and causing the clairvoyant to become possessed by the viewers at home.

Character Creation

I’ve fashioned some alternative character creation tables to develop your own unique Housespouse.

I’ve included d12 tables for virtues, flaws, fits, catchphrases, Housewives inspired items, and a “tea” table - a secret that the Housespouse carries that only the Producer (see, Facilitator) also knows.

Some example virtues are “generous with their friends,” and “really tries to help people put things in perspective.” Conversely, some flaws include “quick to say something hurtful when cornered” and “really tries to help people put things in perspective.”

The fits or looks table includes things such as “oversized brand name streetwear cardigan, thigh boots and sunglasses” and “a whole outfit that is based around a singular, incredibly chunky necklace.”

Catchphrases include “I’m too sexy to be thirsty” and “take cheap shots, get a hangover.”

Housewives inspired items include “a quart sized plastic bag of vitamins” and “a bottle of their own brand of tequila.”

Finally, the “tea” table include things like “actually did get that implant” and “their spouse is having an affair and they know about it.”

There are still some tables to add and entries to refine, but character creation went off as smooth as I could ask for and everyone loved the character they ended up with.

Mapped out

Writing descriptions for places I have no visual reference for is hard for me, but my players don’t do well without at least a very rudimentary map. The only thing I have to say here is that by playtesting I was forced to build maps in a few hours. Deadlines can help.

Playtime

My Saturday group consists of 3 players and their familiarity with the Housewives franchises vary. One of my players is my fiancé who is responsible for me watching the Real Housewives franchise in the first. My friend from a previous job has never seen an episode but is vaguely aware of it being a thing, and his wife has seen probably a handful of episodes. Lack of familiarity was not a problem by the time character creation was done and the scene was set.

We kicked play off with a dinner scene at the mansion. I played as the Clairvoyant who is set to do the séance for most of that scene with them. To get things going, I prodded their characters a little bit by having them throw shade. Right as they were getting riled up and reacting, I acted as the Producer, and chose one of them to do their interview scene.

Doing this was pivotal. By singling them out early, I was able to introduce the necessity of having them split up at regular intervals. And by asking them questions like, “How do you feel the dinner is going,” “What are your expectations for the séance,” or questioning them about their “tea” got them thinking about the scene. And whenever their answer was short, I always followed up with “Would you care to elaborate on that?”.

The night progressed much like that until, for expediency’s sake, I had the Producer be knocked unconscious. I’d interview each three, advance the story a little bit, let them react a little, and then pull them aside for their next interview. I was really pleased with both the PC reaction to the interviews and how it added tension because people were constantly being pulled into different parts of the mansion to do interviews while chaos unfolded.

Summary

We got to about the halfway point of things unfolding in our 90ish minute session last night. The aesthetic abominations had been released and unbeknown to the players, the plastic surgeon is trying to contain the situation. The Clairvoyant is possessed with the awesome power of millions of viewers watching simultaneously. And every single Housespouse has taken some fallout at this point. The next session might be short, but the Producer will regain consciousness just in time for one last interview - that I can guarantee.

You can read about why I’m even doing this here.