Man, it’s been awhile, hasn’t it? Honestly, there’s been SO much going on that it’ll be hard to fit it all into one blog post, but I’m going to try anyway. A little ‘where I’ve been’, with some loose future notes at the very end.

But first, let’s do this chronologically.

DECEMBER, 2023

From what I remember it was a nice, wintry day. I don’t remember there being much snow. Despite this, I do remember the exact minute I received my Official Autism Diagnosis.

Sitting on the couch, about to head out to a local bar with a family member for dinner, I got an email. The email PDF was pages long, covering everything from my full testing—and at the very bottom was my diagnosis: Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Despite having mixed feelings on the process as a whole, I was ecstatic. I finally, finally had my answer! After years of wondering I had definitive proof: I wasn’t a failed neurotypical, but a disabled person—who had went her entire life not knowing why she felt different and struggled for so long.

Honestly, I could talk about this for ages, but I’ll spare you from that. There’s been a lot of recent, late-in-life diagnoses within my online spaces, usually from AFAB people. I’m thrilled we’re getting the answers we need, but at the same time I’m hurt that we went our whole lives without being diagnosed.

In my case, my autistic traits weren’t exactly subtle. I lined up my toys, had sensory aversions (wearing tights for church was the work of the devil), would spend entire days being unable to speak, & my first crush was Sonic the Hedgehog—I mean, well, you get the idea.

Of course, those traits aren’t exclusive to autism (plenty of people love Sonic) & don’t try diagnosing yourself with the few things I just listed, please. My point is that there were signs—very clear signs, too—but due to the time, my age, my area, and income all those signs didn’t amount to anything.

It wasn’t until I used the holy power of the Internet for research, and listened to #ActuallyAutistic people, that I realized I wasn’t just depressed with major anxiety. I was different. My brain operated (and still does) in ways most other’s don’t. It can be frustrating at times, but other times it’s truly wonderful.

APRIL, 2024

This April I got a job. I honestly applied on a whim (which would also later cost me), but after weeks of job searching, I knew I had to do something. The work for the most part was okay; I met some nice coworkers, my managers were mostly decent, and I didn’t have to work long shifts.

But after months of lifting heavy (~50lbs) objects on a semi-regular basis, my body couldn’t take it anymore. So, I quit.

TODAY, 2024

Today I had another physical therapy session. I’m slowly building up my strength to get back to doing the things I love. And what I truly love is telling stories, specifically through games.

So, I used some of my savings from my job to buy an actual PC to replace my 4+ years old laptop. It’ll arrive later this week. With a PC that can run more than a web browser or LibreOffice, honestly, what I can do is pretty unlimited.

THE NEAR FUTURE

I am SO excited to have the tools to learn things again! My main goals are:

- Blender (!!!)
- Various Game Engines 
- Video Editing Software
- Krita / Gimp / whatever
- Get active in the dev community again <3

It’s a huge list, actually 😅 But I don’t want to limit myself from making what I want because I don’t have the tools, or don’t know how. So I’m getting the tools. I’ll learn how.

I’m making a rough goals list, breaking it down into manageable chunks. It’ll still take awhile, but I’m in no rush. So what does that mean for you, the beloved person still reading this?

It means I’m making games again.

I’m nowhere close to making an official announcement or anything like that, but after a ~three year hiatus, I can’t stand not working on games for any longer.

While my games will always be narrative heavy, they won’t all be visual novels (or ‘traditional’ VNs, anyway).

So…you’ve stuck around this long, huh? Well, I deeply appreciate that. Making games is tough, and making games while juggling life + disability is extremely tough. Thanks for showing me some patience. I’m extremely excited to show you what I’ve got in store.

(If you’re curious, check out the above hashtag + this linked post and anything else from the (Autistic Self Advocacy Network)