If you'd like me to put this forward for the Unreal Spring Student Showcase, could you record a video of around 60 seconds (they'll allow a longer cut for narrative games, but try and keep it short) at 1080p or above, and send it over to me?
On an abstract level, I do worry how well so many of the basic mechanics we have work for grim stories (remove, destroy, block, feeling trapped, etc.). It would be great to push to turn these to tell uplifting stories.
The power of a story written in first person is also a thing to be reckoned with! You've used that very effectively here, and the writing is good; however, that also creates a problematic point too. It would be a good idea to change the title on the game - if people expect a game where a person deals carefully with their depression (as the title might suggest) and they get a suicidal person instead... That's not great. Emphasising that this is fiction and adding a trigger warning for self-harm would be a good idea.
... That wouldn't be as much of an issue if you hadn't overall done a really good job. With power comes responsibility ;) Well done, and I look forward to seeing how you grow with additional mechanics and nuance.
For having been knocked up in a pretty short time, this is downright amazing work. As before, I'll step up the commentary to the requisite level of achievement, so don't think I'm being harsh here for no reason!
First up, this is a brilliant piece of interactive storytelling - so good that I felt let down my the story having no real message. In storytelling terms, it feels like you set out to make me sad for the sake of it. You've got the power to tell good stories here, definitely.
Next, let's tackle the thing I think you did the worst on, and that - unfortunately - was a big part of the workshop! A lot of your interactions feel ... default. You've got that smooth-but-snappy animation on everything, and it's just a standard part of the derivative "low poly indie narrative game" style you're using. Every door and every button snapped with the same lack of elasticity and the same emotion. In a game where you're throwing emotion at the wall, that was a major disappointment.
Now to the good stuff ... and there's a lot. The clever twist on the door at the start was lovely, and it was nice that you only joked around with me once as a player. The rest of it was sublime - the series of buttons placed in different positions was a perfect, by-the-numbers exploration of challenge, and it fit perfectly with the narrative beats you were walking me through at the time.
You found great ways of making me stick around for the story without being disengaged, skipping bits, or being bored. The interactive representation of the story themes in the section with the child and the wife were spot-on, perfectly done.
The lake scene was weaker- I could see you trying to signal me to the right path with the cobblestones, but as with last week's entry the visual language didn't sit with me. In this case, it was the scale - that path just looked too dang thin for my character to make it.
Still, that was a minor quibble.
You've got something here. Enough that I think you could disappear off and make by-the-numbers low-poly indie story games if you wanted - but some parts of this work suggest there's a grasp of challenge and game design here as well. If you push yourself out of your comfort zone of these kinds of titles, I think there's a truly great all-round game designer in there somewhere.
Comments
If you'd like me to put this forward for the Unreal Spring Student Showcase, could you record a video of around 60 seconds (they'll allow a longer cut for narrative games, but try and keep it short) at 1080p or above, and send it over to me?
Very good job!
On an abstract level, I do worry how well so many of the basic mechanics we have work for grim stories (remove, destroy, block, feeling trapped, etc.). It would be great to push to turn these to tell uplifting stories.
The power of a story written in first person is also a thing to be reckoned with! You've used that very effectively here, and the writing is good; however, that also creates a problematic point too. It would be a good idea to change the title on the game - if people expect a game where a person deals carefully with their depression (as the title might suggest) and they get a suicidal person instead... That's not great. Emphasising that this is fiction and adding a trigger warning for self-harm would be a good idea.
... That wouldn't be as much of an issue if you hadn't overall done a really good job. With power comes responsibility ;) Well done, and I look forward to seeing how you grow with additional mechanics and nuance.
For having been knocked up in a pretty short time, this is downright amazing work. As before, I'll step up the commentary to the requisite level of achievement, so don't think I'm being harsh here for no reason!
First up, this is a brilliant piece of interactive storytelling - so good that I felt let down my the story having no real message. In storytelling terms, it feels like you set out to make me sad for the sake of it. You've got the power to tell good stories here, definitely.
Next, let's tackle the thing I think you did the worst on, and that - unfortunately - was a big part of the workshop! A lot of your interactions feel ... default. You've got that smooth-but-snappy animation on everything, and it's just a standard part of the derivative "low poly indie narrative game" style you're using. Every door and every button snapped with the same lack of elasticity and the same emotion. In a game where you're throwing emotion at the wall, that was a major disappointment.
Now to the good stuff ... and there's a lot. The clever twist on the door at the start was lovely, and it was nice that you only joked around with me once as a player. The rest of it was sublime - the series of buttons placed in different positions was a perfect, by-the-numbers exploration of challenge, and it fit perfectly with the narrative beats you were walking me through at the time.
You found great ways of making me stick around for the story without being disengaged, skipping bits, or being bored. The interactive representation of the story themes in the section with the child and the wife were spot-on, perfectly done.
The lake scene was weaker- I could see you trying to signal me to the right path with the cobblestones, but as with last week's entry the visual language didn't sit with me. In this case, it was the scale - that path just looked too dang thin for my character to make it.
Still, that was a minor quibble.
You've got something here. Enough that I think you could disappear off and make by-the-numbers low-poly indie story games if you wanted - but some parts of this work suggest there's a grasp of challenge and game design here as well. If you push yourself out of your comfort zone of these kinds of titles, I think there's a truly great all-round game designer in there somewhere.