Play poem
Thalassophobia's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Polish | #1 | 4.333 | 4.333 |
| Poetry | #1 | 5.000 | 5.000 |
| Overall | #4 | 3.867 | 3.867 |
| Overall | #5 | 4.000 | 4.000 |
| Interactivity | #6 | 2.667 | 2.667 |
| Experimentation | #6 | 3.333 | 3.333 |
Ranked from 3 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Name you'd like to be published under, if accepted
M. A. Dubbs
Short bio, written in the third person
M. A. Dubbs is an award-winning Mexican-American and LGBT poet and writer from Indiana. She has been published in various literary magazines and anthologies across the U.S, U.K. and Australia.
Artist Statement, about your piece
I explored my own fear of deep water and explored this phobia's connection with depression. My piece is an attempt to explore despair and hopelessness while re-creating the fear of one's phobia. I first started with the poem itself then began to add visuals and music to suit the verse's tone.
What do you need from us, when giving feedback on your piece?
First game so please be gentle and in Klingon.
Questions, Comments, Concerns?
This was a great idea! I hope there's more in the future!
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Comments
This is the best Klingon I can do!
batlh Heghpu' 'e' yIHeq. ghIlDeSten, nuqneH.pagh, joHwI'vaD bIcholtaHvIS. ngoDvam Hoch vI'oghlaHbe'bogh SuvwI' neH.chuSHa'chugh, vaj pa' 'e' luDablaHbe'./ Qorwaghvo' qaja'pu'bogh vIqeltaHvIS, Huch vIneHbej."HIja' 'ej wovwI'pu' 'ej HIjwI'pu'.jIleghqangbe'taHvIS poH neH vIghajbe'. chaq mu'meyDaj tlhIngan SuvwI'/, yabwIj DIvI', HarghtaHvIS.ghu'vam vIDelmeH, mu'mey wIje'laHbe' ghu', 'ej jIHDaq QotchoHtaHvIS muD, vIDelmeH jIjatlhtaHvIS, mu'mey vIDelbogh.'ach mIghchugh je poH vInobnISchugh je. ngaSwI' qoj, SoHvaD ponglIj vIsovchugh, vaj ngaSbogh qoH vISovbej.SoHvaD 'e' vIpIH.naDev chIch ghaH ngeD buSbogh 'e' vIchID.
I used this, because I don't actually know Klingon. The video is not in Klingon because I can't pronounce it! Sorry
'IwlIj jachjaj!
Thank you for humoring me! I loved the video. It was wonderful to see live reactions to my piece in real time. I'm glad that you enjoyed it and the themes came across so easily and so well.
Qapla'!
Wow! I think this is one of the best Twine poems I've read for how tightly you've combined the poem's language with its (watery, digital) medium. What made it so immersive for me was how the visuals of the text matched what happened to you as you were on the water, then under it, then drowned. I think combining the hyper-personal emotional experience that is depression with being out on the open sea, losing your bearings there, and succumbing to it in some form also evokes the terror and isolation of both very well. I hope you'll make more of these! I'd love to see how you use this program to write about other kinds of feelings.
Experimentation - 5; I'm wondering, was your piece inspired by any Twine poems in particular, or do you have any favorites? I think you really hit on a lot of what makes it such a cool poetry/storytelling software with this submission.
Interactivity - I gave this category a 3 because, while the reader must click through the poem to progress, their role is quite passive. I don't really feel like this poem needs more interactivity, though, especially given its subject matter. My favorite of these was when hovering over the back button made the "abyss" hyperlink appear.
Polish - Very! I think I caught one typo ("Vison narrows") and one of the sound pieces might have cut off a bit earlier than you'd intended it to towards the end (I can go back and find it for you if you like), but I seriously love how you brought the words under water, had them roll and shake like they would on deck.
Poetry - Definitely a poem, so 5!
Thank you so much for your kind words! I am glad you enjoyed my piece. This was my very first time making a game and coding so I wasn't sure what to expect! I've played a few Twine games but typically they didn't have music or motion so I was excited when I learned I can add that to my poem (lol, it was process learning how to add sound effects). I'm really glad the association between water and depression came out clearly as well. I also fixed the typo! Thanks for letting me know! I died a little inside when I read that! :O