It's February! Valentine's Day is upon us. Birds are twitterpating. Love is in the air. Boys are kissing other boys behind the bleachers.

Let's make some horny games.

Rules

New games only, please! But do feel free to finish up something you've been putting off.

Your game should be horny! Interpreting that is entirely up to you. It doesn't have to be classically NSFW. It doesn't even need to be identifiable as horny by anyone else. In fact, that's so interesting I'm making it a voting category.

If your game is classically NSFW, you should check the appropriate box when you put your game on itch, or people might get mad at you. It's under the "Metadata" tab at the top of the page.

Please let's try to avoid objectification! Someone can be attractive and still have a personality and agency beyond "is attractive". (Objectification in the sense of turning someone into a literal inanimate object is, of course, totally fine.)

Don't do anything that could get me in trouble. Yeah, you. I see you back there. Put that down.

Voting

The categories and your interpretations of them are arbitrary. The winner of each category will receive absolutely nothing. Participants should not at all feel pressured to maximize their score in all categories simultaneously, or even any at all.

Game — Do you suspect that this entry may, in fact, be a game? Does interacting with it inspire game-like feelings within you? When you press buttons, do things happen?

Looks — Does it look good? Is it pleasant for your eyeballs?

Sounds — Does it make noise? Is the noise good?

Horny — Is it horny? Do you suspect the author was horny while making it? Has the author transported their horny into you by the magic of interactive entertainment?

Kink — Is there something totally weird in here that you are definitely not into, but you have nothing against people who are, just to clarify?

Stealth — Is this horny, and yet, something you could show someone with whom you are not hornily associated?

Harmony — If it has both horny parts and game parts, are they blended harmoniously? Is the horny inextricably linked with the experience, or is it a titillating reward sprinkled on top?

Novelty — Is this a form of horny game you have never seen before?

I am horny but don't know how to video games??

Great news! Anyone can video games. Here are some of my favorite easy game tools.

Twine lets you write choose-your-own-adventures (which are very easy to make horny), but you can branch out into more complex enhancements (like remembering what the player has done, or tracking an inventory) very easily. And since it's mostly text, no one expects artwork.

Inform 7 is a system for writing old-school text adventures, where you walk between rooms and examine objects and solve puzzles. The programming language it uses is written out as English sentences, which supposedly makes it easier to get started with. And of course, no one expects art.

Cheap Bots Done Quick can make Twitter bots that reply to people with constructed text. Again, no art.

The PICO-8 is good if you have a little programming experience (or would like to get some by diving right in) — it's a faux 8-bit console with built-in sprite and sound editing tools. The limitations are fairly harsh, but mean that you can make passable art and music even if you've never tried it before. (Unlike everything else listed here, it does cost a few bucks.) Making it horny might be trickier, though.

MegaZeux is an old game creation system, with all the tools built in. It has a bunch of built-in objects for making little adventure games, but you can program custom objects as well. And the art is even more limited than the PICO-8's. (There's also ZZT, its predecessor, which is harder to customize — but much more impressive when you manage.)

ZDoom is the original Doom engine plus 25 years of enhancements — it's a great platform for building simple explorable 3D worlds, and you can do as much or as little extra programming as you like. How can this possibly be horny? I don't know; that's your problem.

LÖVE is great if you're comfortable programming and just want something to get out of your way. It's basically just Lua bindings for SDL and a bit of OpenGL: 2D drawing, sound, input (including from gamepad), and some math and physics stuff thrown in. No GUI or IDE; just you and the engine.

Also check out this list of tools, or sortingh.at for an interactive suggestion.