I actually enjoyed it more than LocJAM's English translation. Unlike the previous commenter, I think that this translation flows better. Maybe I am biased, because the language and style are more modern. Well done!

This is a much more faithful translation than LocJAM's sample version, and the creative elements were a nice surprise. However, I found it not quite as good in terms of readability and presentation. A lot of sentences clearly inherited their syntax from the French original, appearing less like sentences, but more like fractured clauses littered between jarring commas and periods.

I feel like things as simple as some well-placed conjunctions could do well to "oil up" this piece and make it flow better. Maybe also check out LocJAM's English version now that the JAM is over? I found its language style something to learn from.

Overall, GJ, cheers!    :D