This first-ever text-based game I played. I think I stuck not too far from the beginning struggling to find the right command to exchange quarters for a dollar, but until I got stuck I truly enjoyed the adventure.

Giving some hints to struggling users would be useful, at least at my particular case. But I have to admit I only spent 1-2 hours playing the game. Maybe by spending an additional hour I would finally got my dollar  - I deserve it.

Overall, well done! 

Congratulations on making a whole game!

Here’s some feedback which you might find useful if you want to update the game, or for your next game. I’ll also explain some Inform 7 features. If you already know them and chose not to use them, please just skip those parts.

Overall

I liked the structure of the game: it’s much longer than it looks at first, and the different parts add a lot of variety, but still have a common theme.

The cover is very cute, and I also loved the cards.

Some parts of the game are very funny, especially the DNA sample.

Descriptions

I would have liked longer room descriptions, to make the rooms feel different from each other. This is especially important inside the house, since it has a lot of rooms.

Object descriptions

A lot of objects, especially later in the game, don’t have a description at all, so you just get the default “You see nothing special about…” message. Adding descriptions is a good way to make the world feel real, especially when there’s something impressive like a slime monster or a lion.

Initial appearance

By default, objects and people in a room are listed at the end of the description. For example, “You can see an owner here.”

Sometimes that’s the best way: at least it makes it super clear what’s there. But it’s usually better to add an initial appearance to objects, so the descriptions look more natural and can add even more detail. For example:

The Video Game Shop is a room. "Ah, the land of all treasures! They sell video games and cards, for just $45."

The owner is a person in the Shop. "The owner sits in the corner, looking bored. They occasionally glance at you over their shoulder, then return to staring at nothing."

This would be useful for Lynn’s hair, for example: I initially thought you meant the hair on her head, not a fallen strand.

Not listing objects separately

Sometimes, you want to mention an object in the description of a room. Since that tells the player that the object is there, you don’t want it to also be listed at the end. You can do that by putting [brackets] around the object’s name, like so:

There is a room called Lynn's and Lucy's Room. "In the middle of Lynn's and Lucy's room sits an enormous [coffin]."

The coffin is in Lucy's. The description of the coffin is "Dank. Dark. And full of bats." It contains a quarter.

Result:

Lynn’s and Lucy’s Room
In the middle of Lynn’s and Lucy’s room sits an enormous coffin.

Scenery

Another way to add detail is to have scenery objects: objects that are not listed, but that the player can interact with anyway. This gives the world a lot more depth. For example:

The Living Room is a room. "Lynn is exercising a little way off to the north."

Lynn is scenery in the Living Room. "You can't see her very well from here. You'll have to walk over."

Result:

Living Room
Lynn is exercising a little way off to the north.

>x lynn
You can’t see her very well from here. You’ll have to walk over.

Scenery can’t be picked up, it’s just there for decoration.

Commands

Understanding synonyms

It’s nice when reasonable words for an object, and common typos, are accepted. For example, Understand "card" as the cards. allows the player to type x card instead of x cards.

The best way to think of synonyms is to get testers. If your players want to write “dino” instead of “dinosaur”, or type “miror” for “mirror”, it’s a good idea to add those in.

This can also be used to understand words when you don’t want to create a new object with its own description. For example, you could write Understand "tiara" as Lola. That way, a player trying to examine the tiara would see Lola’s description again, instead of an error message.

Responses to default verbs

Inform supports a lot of commands. The default messages usually make sense, but not always. I noticed three cases where the response is a little strange:

Taking

You can pick up almost anything, including couches and the dresser. I’d expect that to be impossible:

The couch is fixed in place.

>take couch
That’s fixed in place.

Alternately, I’d expect a special message:

After taking the couch:
	say "With all your strength, you manage to lift the couch. Impressive!"

Hitting

When I try to hit the villains, I get the default message for trying to hit something:

>hit shredder
Violence isn’t the answer to this one.

But violence is the answer to this one. I’d instead expect a message like “You hit Shredder with your bare fists, but he just laughs at you. Perhaps throwing something at him would work better.”

Eating

Trying to eat the Krabby Patty gives the default message:

>eat patty
(Krabby Patty)
That’s plainly inedible.

A message like “You need to save this for Gary.” would make more sense.

Puzzles

Getting the Game Key

I found that puzzle very confusing, because I expected that giving the shop owner any pass would work, instead of just pass 1. Consider either accepting any pass, or adding a hint when the player gives the wrong pass.

Change

What the player does changes almost everything in the game world. It makes the world feel a lot more real if we can see the results of those changes.

For example, after tossing the grenade at Marty, he’s still there and still threatens Earth. You could make him disappear instead:

After throwing the Omega Grenade at Marty:
	say "You did it! You blew up the alien invaders and saved Swellview! You also earned a gamer pass!";
	move pass 3 to the player;
	now Marty is nowhere.

Another example: When Dave gets his computer back, he could stop asking about it:

Dave can be happy or worried. Dave is worried.

Instead of giving the computer to Dave:
	say "Dave exclaims: 'Thank you ever so much! I'd been looking for it everywhere!'";
	move the computer to Dave;
	now Dave is happy.

Report talking to Dave when Dave is worried:
	say "Dave asks: 'Have you seen my computer?'"

Report talking to Dave when Dave is happy:
	say "Dave thanks you profusely for finding his computer."

This would result in:

>talk to dave
Dave asks: “Have you seen my computer?”

>give computer to dave
Dave exclaims: “Thank you ever so much! I’d been looking for it everywhere!”

>talk to dave
Dave thanks you profusely for finding his computer.

There are many, many way of changing things in Inform. Those two suggestions are just examples — you could do anything you like!

Room connections

The default “You can’t go that way” message when trying to go into the school is confusing, because the inside of the school should exist. Why not move the stadium there? If you don’t want to, I suggest having a custom message, like “You have nothing to do inside the school.”

Do you use an extension to automatically show the list of exits, or are you writing all the “You see Lynn to the north” messages by hand? I noticed that the west exit from the canyon, and the south exist from the pineapple house, are missing. The room names are also printed a little strangely: “You see north hall” instead of “You see the north hall”, for example.

When I see stairs, I expect to be able to go up or down, as well as whatever other direction they’re in. You can make these double connections very easily, by giving two directions: The Living Room is east and down of the Hall.

Plot

The phone is a very important element: it motivates Lincoln to look for quarters. Consider moving it even closer to the beginning of the game, so the player immediately has a goal.

I couldn’t tell if the bully is stealing Lincoln’s money, or collecting the entry price for the competition.

Why would the shop owner know where my game console at home is?

At the end of the game, you can make the player win with end the story finally saying "Whatever victory text you want". I think it would be nice and clean to do this after the credits. You can also remove finally to make the player lose.

I found all the safes, but I never figured out what they’re for or how to unlock them.

Bugs

Paying the bully

As kenped already reported, an error message is printed after giving the dollar bill to the bully. You’re probably using a rule like Check giving the dollar to the bully. Try Instead of giving the dollar to the bully instead.

Unimplemented items

The following items are mentioned, but don’t exist:

• Lisa’s jacket and glasses
• Luan’s dress
• Luna’s T-shirt
• squirt flower
• guitar
• clothes and dolls on Leni’s bed
• Hops the frog
• bundle of cash
• coin in the cage
• stairs in the hall/living room/basement (you could make them doors)
• Lynn/Lola/Lana seen from the living room
• Lynn’s uniform
• Lola’s dress and tiara
• Lana’s overalls and cap
• Lola’s go-kart
• the jar of money
• the game and cards in the shop
• Lynn in the stadium

Typos

• “proffessional” (should be “professional”)
• “Mabey” (should be “Maybe”)
• “IS’NT” (should be “ISN’T”)
• “excercises” (should be “exercises”)
• “excercise so hard” (should be “exercise so hard”)
• “maybey” (should be “maybe”)
• “the schools” (should be “the school”, because there’s only one school)
• “Translater” (should be “translator”)
• “swellview” (should be “Swellview”)

Hi, this is a fun game. I think I am close to the end, but I think there is a bug in the current version that prevents me from finishing the game(?).

EDIT: I managed to beat the game, but there were some things near the end that could be improved, see below:

(Not to spoil anything, I have used www.rot13.com to encode. Use www.rot13.com to decode it)

">tvir qbyyne

(gb Ohyyl)

"Pbzr ba va," fnvq gur Ohyyl. "Bu, naq, gur sbbgonyy fgnqvhz vf nobir urer."

Lbh nera'g ubyqvat gur qbyyne ovyy.

>f

Lbh pna'g tb gung jnl."    [nppbeqvat gb ebbz qrfpevcgvba, gur fpubby vf fbhgu bs urer, vs V cnl gur Ohyyl]