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A jam submission

My girlfriend BarbaraView game page

Meet Barbara, a girl who has depressive problems,
Submitted by dangovisual — 15 days, 2 hours before the deadline
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My girlfriend Barbara's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Stealth#232.5782.769
Narrative#332.1482.308
Sound#362.3632.538
Aesthetic#392.5782.769
Play#422.0772.231
Overall#491.9572.103
Horny#511.5751.692
Harmony#512.0052.154
Kink#521.1461.231
Novelty#551.1461.231

Ranked from 13 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Submitted(+2)

The writing in this was a little shaky- not the second language feel, I can't give anyone flack for that. So But on the next scale up, there were non-sequitur type moments where I wasn't sure why some lines followed up others, or moments where I clicked a dialogue option only to realize it was doing something other than what I expected it to do. The conversations didn't quite feel natural. However, on the next scale up, the overall scene progression did feel natural. The progression of scenes didn't feel rushed or slow. Most of the dialogue choices were pretty obvious as far as which one was 'correct', but all it did was make me less stressed about getting a 'good' ending haha. 

The themes of depression were very surface-level? But not to the point where it felt like a negative portrayal, it's moreso the same omission of detail throughout (also mentioned in eevee's comment). 

I didn't realize the backgrounds were AI generated right away, but I really liked them. (This is what people should mean when they mean AI "makes art accessible"- it adds uniqueness where otherwise there might have only been stock photos, or no picture at all.) It made me feel like it might turn out to be a horror game of some kind lol

Host(+2)

hey, thanks for entering

i feel like you shied away from having too many concrete details here, but in my experience, games and stories can be a lot more gripping if they reflect something their creator is really passionate about?  like, you might consider giving either barbara or the narrator a hobby you have, and have them talk about it and actually do it within the story

(i know the common thing in this type of vn is to make the player a faceless nobody so the human player can slot themselves in, but personally i find it easier to relate to a specific character than to a perfectly average mannequin.  not that you have to break the convention, but you can)

and i guess the best writing advice is always: read a lot!  play more vns, see what kinds of things appeal to you, and run with those

Submitted(+2)

And they lived happily ever after (In my ending).

I liked the experience, the timing was rushed just enough to not feel rushed for me.

Good work with the experience.

Submitted(+1)

Reminds me a bit of the good old days of playing Flash dating games! You've got a good sense of time and variety to the story with the Barbara always taking you to new places.

There's a lot of dialogue choices to make, but many of them have a clear right and wrong answer. You can try to trick the player a little more and maybe introduce problems that occur from earlier decisions that seemed right at the time. The story's a bit too wholesome at the moment to be called horny, and you've ended it right at the best part!

The ai-generated backgrounds are nifty. They've got too much of a photographic feel to them to fully match Barbara, but you can try running them through some sort of filter to give them a bit more of an anime look. Barbara's own illustrations are pretty, and there's some real variety to her clothes and poses!