First of all, I want to say I was recently recommended to play NeveN, and greatly enjoy it!
I have tremendous respect for writers who are multilingual, and understand when things don't translate quite as smoothly, but you do an excellent job regardless.
I did have a hard time at the beginning of the story figuring out who was who. I wasn't sure if the MC was on screen or not during the office scene, and had to depend on textual clues as to which character matched up with which name. I think it was due to having so many on the screen at once at the beginning.
Matching up the name color with a prominent color of the sprite would help tremendously with that. For instance, the dragon having green text for his name. Even when characters only appear after speaking their first lines, I personally have trouble keeping them all seperate.
This may be a 'me' problem, though; I have always had difficulty keeping track of the plot of short stories, but having no issues at all with longer ones.
Also, I understand the office scene as the place where the characters meet, but since it doesn't play a crucial role, it could have probably been left out. It would be vitally important for a longer story for world building, but not necessary here. I'm sure that comes from where you are already familiar with working with a much larger narrative, and normally would be good practice.
The relationship did seem a bit sudden to me, but I did the exact same thing myself in my stories. I understand it's due to the brevity of the format. I would have liked to have seen just a little more character development.
It felt like whiplash going from "Hey dude, I lied to you. I really like you! Wanna bang? Are you into kinky shit? Let me show you my entire collection, stranger!" It felt like a Round Robin date where you get 30 seconds to get to know someone and decide to date or move on to the next person in line. (That may be a fun story concept, though!)
I do like the twist and the foreshadowing. It's hard to do very much in such a short format, and much better than what I did with my second project. I just wrote something and left a bunch of plot threads and then came back a couple weeks later and tried to tie them all up quickly to get it done in time.
Keep up the good work, and I look forward to seeing what else you have in store! (Also, Maelbjorn is my fave! And not just because my name and profile pic.)