First of all: Nalet's Park is nicely atmospheric and comes with an art style that feels like it matches what the evocative prose is going for perfectly. Good music choices, too.
Despite the short length, the conflict works on an emotional level, and you get just enough about the characters. The game does need a little line editing in the form tightening – I think having relatively short lines is just very important for this medium – but the incorporation of poetry is a fun choice that serves the scope of the story well, providing natural opportunities for transitions and timeskips. It's a great mix of formally familiar and adventurous, recognizable as a VN while having such a fresh touch.
As for some nitpicks: the societal conflict in the background could use a little more explication – it feels kind of abstract since so much of it is just in what the characters say. Also, the incredibly brief ending stings a little; given that the prose is pretty good at conjuring evocative imagery, it would have felt right to end on something a little more vibrant than the very simple exchange. The angle for the game jam's theme feels a little obscure, too, although I get how the concept is used in the poetic sections.
Still, Nalet's Park packs a punch for being such a short read. Congratulations on your first published VN.