The surreal premise compels me in a strange way, and the dreamlike visuals feel like they communicate the essence of the story. As for the writing, I have largely the same feedback as for your other entries: with no narration, it feels less like a story is happening and more like the characters are explaining a story at you. Characterization in particular takes a big hit here, with so many scenes where characters state their personalities and traits to each other rather than it all being conveyed through a narrative.
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Thanks for the feedback! This is precisely why I took part in the game jam. I wanted to know which things I need to work on most. I can do better, and I wanted to get advice before I go any further with my main project. Based on what I've learned, all three projects will have significant changes made following the game jam. I've also acquired materials to assist me in learning how to write better.
I'm still very new to all the aspects of making a visual novel. I haven't written anything since English class in high school over 20 years ago, so I'm woefully out of practice. I only started drawing again at the beginning of the year (again, since high school), and before now, I had never done so digitally. I have no coding experience and had never touched Ren'Py before the tenth of last month. But I'm not using any of this as an excuse. I'm here to be judged critically because it's the best way to improve. I'm open to constructive criticism, and I promise I will improve!