Hey, I'm super glad to see your story got a lot of good reception and feedback for this game! I think for a VN this is a really focused and consistent effort that is impressive in its scope for a jam. The story was long enough to allow for some character development and narrative progression and, if cliche, it told a fleshed-out story that had its own lore and depth that made it quite a polished effort. Congrats!
The backgrounds are visually consistent and have a fantastic pixel-art design that reminds me of those grainy but highly-detailed artstyles of late-80s computers (like the PC-98). I think some character portraits might have been helpful to clarify some interactions, but of course for action sequences the dark text-focused UI was effective in focusing on the writing. I think it was well done!
The writing is pretty good! The character interactions are handled well and it really does feel like the banter shared between a school friend group. I would say that it seemed more like a teenage cohort than pre-teens. I don't know how normal people respond to disappearing friends and monsters but there could have been a little impact from that - also being torn on whether to return to face the monster! On the upside, fleshing out the setting, the local urban legend, and the historical background to the story, added a lot of flavour and uniqueness to the game.
The choices could have been improved too. Given some of the antics that transpire the choices offered in the VN did feel a bit railroaded, such as being pressured into choosing whether to steal a car or commit arson to incite a distraction. Also, assigning the characters tasks is a cool idea, but other than getting a reaction from them it was hard to tell if this meaningfully altered the narrative branch.
I really like how many VNs jammers often make and think that this was a good one! I encourage you to keep writing and exploring the horror genre in your games because it's working really well for you!
Thanks for submitting this game to the SCREAM JAM!
- SCREAM CATALOGUE