Oh....this was honestly so gut wrenching for me to play, even now as I'm typing this I still couldn't help but cry...but it was so beautiful.
I knew going in here that playing this game would pick at the fresh wound in my heart, but I regret nothing.
For context, I lost my beloved dog May 3rd of this year --- technically my 2nd dog but the first one died after just two days as a puppy, so this one was the one we raised from puppyhood and the one we really consider as our first dog.
And oh we loved him so. All my life I had been afraid of dogs, but he was really the one who eased my heart and made me fall in love with dogs, my eyes feeling nothing but love when I look into a dog's eyes, rather than the fear before.
But alas, one day he just suddenly became lethargic, and despite all our efforts to bring him the best care, he died, and we never found out what it was that killed him. The day we were supposed to bring him back home as he was confined at the vet clinic, he got seizures and died...one hour before we were supposed to see him again.
It was too sudden. Painfully sudden. More so since he was just so energetic and happy the day before when we visited him, so it felt like he was snatched from us in a flash, like how Eurydice died so suddenly. He started feeling sick one day and by the next week, he was dead. All of us were heartbroken, and even now...my heart still aches and bleeds at his absence. His silence still hurts me so much (my upcoming O2A2 entry was actually originally going to be about him, to cope with my loss, but plans got changed, but even then, he is still a primary inspiration for it), that even just looking at things in our house still makes me cry even after a few months now.
And so, I knew that all that pain in my heart would just burst while playing this, and it did.
Just like the Orpheus here...I really wanted more time with my dog. He was only two years old, and was supposed to turn three this September. We had so many plans with him in our future. We even decided as a family that when we'll move houses in a few years, he must have his own room, and that he would be taken on walks all the time as the environment there is very pleasant for walks.
But without warning, he suddenly died, and we didn't know the cause. It felt so unfair. He was gone too fast. And even when we were rushing to get to him as soon as possible, he died an hour earlier. I really wished I could have held him as he died. I feared he may have thought we abandoned him alone in the clinic, and so he died painfully with each painful seizure. We couldn't even be there to comfort him in his last moments.
So many regrets...and so little time.
I wanted to trust that he knew we loved him dearly, that our parting was only momentarily and that we would see him again soon, but it must have been forever for him, waiting alone in an unfamiliar place.
So, in this game, all of my wishes for my darling --- the longing for him, the need for more time, and the wish that he knew we loved him so so much and that we were just separated momentarily for his benefit, all of it was encapsulated here.
To be honest...I wanted the cat to reach the surface. I want the dear kitty to live. Because playing the game, I thought..."Of course the kitty would want to live! The kitty loves us and would be happy to be by our side as we do them!"
I really wanted that cat to live. I mashed the "and beg" option so many times. So so so many times.
I refused to let go.
And I guess it just reflected what I felt about my own dog. He was taken too early and without warning. He had so many years ahead of him. He loved us, and we loved him so much, and he is happiest with us.
But...as the game progressed...I did realize that the MC was letting their cat go already in their heart, considering their frail health. For that cat...it was time indeed to say goodbye...and it was for the best that they say goodbye.
I could honestly relate to the feeling of wanting more time. I wanted more time with my dog too, especially considering we thought his life was so short lived. But...as with the cat, it was for the best that he rest too. Free from pain. So it was an act of love really to let the kitty go.
My wish really is that I hope my dog still knew and felt our love for him, even during his dying moments.
And with that, even though my heart bleeds right now, I'm actually comforted with that last scene of seeing the cat happy and free from pain --- knowing that the cat has been loved so much, and trusts that the MC has done their best for them and loves them tenderly and oh so much.
The only comfort I take in now is that he is free from the seizures, and free from the pain. This I believe is also a comfort for you.
For me, this game really encapsulated all I wanted to say to my dog, even now after his death. All of my longing, all of my wishes, and all of my love.
Thank you too for including the cat's purrs in the game. A purr is a sound made with happiness and contentment, and so, it was just comforting that even though the kitty was never really able to talk, we just know they were happy and content. Happy to be with their owner, and trusting them and loving them, even with the goodbye.
It was also just so comforting too to just see the MC say they loved their cat so much. It was a comfort seeing those words full of so much love and I really couldn't help but also imagine it was my dog there behind me, looking at me with affection and joy as he always have, and me just telling him I loved him so much, just as I always have.
So yes, thank you for making this game. It is so beautiful, and made with so much love. With every word, I could feel my tears just fall. I do think that it would touch and comfort more pet owners, especially those who have lost their beloved pets. And all the hugs for you too <3 I am sure your kitty loved you vey much and was happy in the end