Thank you, thank you so much for creating this.
It's been less than a year, yet almost a year since losing my furball. A doggo but honestly, a lot like a cat. Very independent, and often tired of my shower of love. She was always there, in my all-nighters, when I wake up, when I get home. Through all the hectic and wild recent years, her love held me together. For years even under treatment, taking care of her was tedious in its way but among those fatigue and stress, she was there. Early last year, her condition took a bad turn, and from then I knew every moment on was a blessing at the cost of her discomfort. After a few days of care, she suddenly regained more youthful energy, her appetite regained, and we couldn't put her down. She held on quietly, cuddled and accompanied more than she ever did in those final months. A few months, and it was time.
There were festivals on and the vet wasn't available. Frail and weak, she was still terribly stubborn - as always - when we arrived at the emergency hospital. There were no options, but she was very restless. It was unbearable to let her go at the cold, metal table, a strange, cold white room. Took her home to wait for her usual vet, and those nights went on and on. Many times she struggled to stand, and a few rare moments of life, she forced herself to my desk (which was always beside her bed). One time, she attempted to lick my hand, the way she always showed her affections, but she was too tired. It was dry and barely a single nudge. I spent those days by her side. The day before I could take her to the vet, it was night. I pulled away for a shower before returning to her side. In a minute or two, I couldn't tell, but she took her breathe. Almost as though she was waiting for me to return beside her.
I was calm cleaning her body, cold, gradually rigid. I was relieved she was free from the pain. I have seen a few deaths, of kins and furballs. The calm and quiet was half resignation, half a part of me gone. But it didn't last. Of all that I have, she was as dear as a soulmate. I don't share her strength, I don't share her stubbornness, her tenacity. More than waiting for me, with me, I'm sure in her mind, she goes "ah this human, what will you do without me?"
It's true. Her love in her moments, her last nudge of affection..
I beg, I beg, I beg but - that was all I can do. Thank you for loving me, bo-chan.
Thank you for creating this. It was short, real, and beautiful. Thank you for giving me another farewell.