I am very happy you are not offended by my words but take them with understanding and an open mind. In that case if you want to change the entire thing or beginning, in my opinion only I would take the game down now before any more people try and play it as many folks may not come back to it later or it may not get as much audience.
Children do talk about meaningless things just as adults do also but keep in mind those who are going to play your game are not children but teens or adults and people get bored fast if a topic drags on for far too long. If you're trying to portray children, make sure they speak properly some of the words these kids say in your paragraphs the words are too big for first graders to even understand what those words mean, keep it simple and don't try and be too descriptive. Just let the words flow normally and make sure you have a beginning, middle and conclusion of your story that all ties together. Good luck my friend I feel you will do a great job! I would be happy to give it another try once you polish your game off. :)