Hi! I enjoyed the demo very much! I like the premise of your story, I’ve always been drawn to the slice-of-life tales. And I was impressed by the breadth of choices you give the reader to develop an MC that’s uniquely their own.
I do have one critique, though. With as much choice as you give the reader, I felt like those choices weren’t reflected in the way the story played out. For example, I created my MC as a bit of a rule following, straight A, over-achiever, and I made the selection that I was looking forward to graduation and being successful. Yet the story still read as if I was ready to get down and party—the option of being that friend the others have to drag to the party might be more applicable in this case. And the talk with the brother felt odd, too. I feel it would have played out differently if you were a little prudish or a strict rule follower, as opposed to if you had a history of partying or being rebellious. I think fleshing out the player’s choices more will really make the story more immersive.
I do think you have created the foundation for a truly wonderful story here, especially with how much control you give the reader, so I hope you don’t take this as any kind of deterrence. I’m definitely keeping my eye on this and looking forward to reading more!