Okay, going through the first version a couple weeks ago reading every route and now going through the new version of Marrowyn's and Rhoun's route. (I burnt myself out and haven't even started Marruk's route, I'll try to get back to that later) But I decided this was a good stopping point. I wanted to just put in my two cents.
I can understand wanting to take out some scenes that made it feel like it's unnecessary, or even feels like its rambling. But honestly in my opinion, this is what made the story so unique, it gave each character so much depth and had me laugh during each scene that was taken out. I did note down what I thought was great, but forgive me if it doesn't make sense, I tend to just write what I'm thinking.
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Marruk - (While mc was still in the cell) There seems to be missing a part where mc was being read on his monitor by Marruk in the cell - was brought up during the reading.
Marrowyn - In the cell, first contact while mc came to sit next to Marrowyn then retreated arm and Marrowyn thought he was not going to get a second chance. (was taken out, was a good bit to have)
Marrowyn - Marruk asking if mc is dangerous. mc and Marrowyn joking with Marruk that mc is shy and doesn't want show if his blood is acidic or Marrowyn is being controlled by mc (was taken out, thought it was funny)
Marrowyn- Second day mc thought Marrowyn was watching him again. (I liked it, but not too worried that it being left out)
Marrowyn- Asking about the tail bone was taken out or was it shortened? (thought that was a good thing to keep in and maybe even elaborate on) Loved the part were the blood explaination was blue.
Marrowyn- after the viewing the telescope, right before bed, it feels like there's a bit missing talking about Tyr figuring something out (can't place my finger on why though)
Marrowyn/Marruk/mc- the explanation of why mc was knocked out so quickly, i.e. shock gloves. (I don't mind that it was taken out. But also, don't mind seeing it in there)
Marrowyn- Note to self- Was there a part where Marrowyn swabbed mc's cheek? was that taken out?
Marrowyn- note to self, was there a previous version where the doc was embarrassed eating in front of mc because he actually was kind of like a monster when it came to eating his food? Would definitely consider putting something in about it, Marrowyn is big in both aspects. Him hardly eating would have me think Marrowyn's lost a lot of weight. Just a thought.
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Rhoun - Going to the room for the first time. taking out the part where he doesn't use the shampoo. (was an okay bit to leave in I think)
Rhoun - Another bit I thought would be asking for an extra a shirt. - I thought that was another bit that should have been left in there.
Rhoun- I like the blue light line the first night.
Mylo- Taking out the part where he won't eat him - yet. (loved that part, wished it stayed)
Mylo/mc- Also taking out the part where mc turned around (loved that part also)
Mylo/mc- Taking out the part explanation after Mylo's reaction to MC's laugh (liked that part as well)
Kess/Mylo/mc - Taking out the part about wanting to go into even a more dark and cramped space for fun to get Rhoun (loved that part, would highly recommend putting it back)
Rhoun/mc- Talking about Kess and Mylo. Rhoun wanting to hang with them and mc saying they think mc will eat Rhoun. (Funny, a new bit? Defiantly leave in)
mc- Going down the hall after he broke his phone. he seems to know how many hours he slept. but afterwards while talking to one to one of his guardians he slept for a whole day and was flabbergasted by it? just wondering if it was intentional or if he forgot? or am I misreading this?
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After going through Marrowyn's and Rhoun's route again, I really enjoyed it. There were new tidbits in storylines which brought a new aspect to it. But I do hope this helps, I know it's probably a bunch of gibberish and tend to write what I'm thinking. I am a bit scatterbrained, but I think these lines are part of what made this VN great.
But if you have questions, let me know! I don't mind coming back and trying to explain!
ps. I still need to do Marruk's route, but I am so burnt out right now, I'm going to have to set this aside for a bit. I am invested in the story; I can't wait for the next update!