Hey man. Sorry you've been going through some rough times. My advice: do what you said you will, pursue the projects and opportunities for personal development that call out to you right now but leave the door open to maybe come back to your roots one day. It may be that you never do wanna come back to the fetish scene and that's fine but it also might be that 2 or 3 or 5 or 10 years down the line, you've picked up some new skills that you feel like bringing home to show to the old community and, if that day does come, we'll be excited to see what you can do. Take care of yourself.