This isn't the first time I've read Straight!? but I feel like every time I reread I pick up another relatable thing from it. Zack thinking about his highschool experience and how even though he had friends he never really knew if they were actually friends because of how much he hid from them really fucking hit me hard. I'm fucking 38 years old and have been out for decades at this point, but I'm fairly sure I still have issues being vulnerable with people and forming genuine connections with them because of how much I felt I had to hide as a gay kid growing up in the 90s/00s.
heya, thanks for checking in and thank you for the multiple reads. i've said this before but when i started working on this thing i never expected it to go global-- sure, it's on the internet and everything is technically global, i guess-- but i never expected it to hold up in so many different places, cultures, lifestyles, etc. And because of that, i never grow tired of hearing the experiences of others. I truly value posts like this and I thank you for sharing it.
I think there's power in hearing from the experience of others: hearing or reading something that you've experienced yourself, and realizing that you're not crazy and you're not alone. With all the division in the world, it's nice to feel connections with others so i'm glad this small part of the story resonated with you. It's also fun to just hear all the parts that resonate with different people because the world is a diverse place.
You spoke about this vulnerability and I think the next update that I'm working on now, returns to that again briefly, but it can be scary. If you've had past experiences that have taught you to protect yourself, it becomes advantageous to defend yourself and be very leery of outsiders. Giving them too much information could hurt you. But the flip side to that is that is the connection that comes from shared vulnerability. when you find people that you can be yourself around-- drop that filter. it can be terrifying but that's what gives it its power: when you're vulnerable with them and they, in turn, do the same to you; and neither of you uses that vulnerability for harm. obviously, you need to be safe and calculated with that and much of that is based on our past experiences.
i think for me: i've made bad decisions in the past. some of those have allowed people to hurt me just as much as my own stupidity has hurt others. at some point, i have to decide which of those experiences needs to become a lesson i learned the hard way and which of those are the painful shackles that are preventing me from moving forward to learn new lessons. It's like any other investment-- there can be profound gains or painful losses-- but i think the currency of meaningful relationships is vulnerability. But that's just how i found acceptance in my own head.
i truly wish you the best and i hope you find acceptance and peace in your own way. stay safe and may all of your future relationships be rewarding. thank you for reading :)