Dam... Just please be hopeful. There's always something good to live for, maybe you just haven't found it yet. I don't like to talk about this stuff but I also have trust issues (BC of my parents) and I've tried to cut my arms. What works for me is imagining stuff like moving out when I'm older and getting cool stuff (basically stuff that would help my mental state) I also do stuff that I like (drawing, talking w/ my online friends etc.)