Hi there! I saw you post this entry on the Yuri Game Jam Discord server. Congrats on your first completed game! Your passion comes through very clearly in your writing and I really enjoyed some of those chuuni lines your characters dropped. Your protagonist and her wife had a cute dynamic, too.
Since you mentioned wanting critique - I did find the plot a little bit confusing to follow on my first read through, and there were a few things that could use some cleaning up! I think your writing would benefit from an editing pass with spellchecking or grammar checking software; there were some distracting typos and inconsistent capitalizations, particularly during the news segments. There’s also a lightvn error notice that shows up for me (a little inconsistently!) when the snow marshal starts speaking; I think one of the images on that page has a loading or animation issue.
There were a few key moments that I think could use some editing for clarity, e.g. “Two shots in the distance” sounds more to me like two shots echoing in the distance as opposed to being fired from Canaan’s gun - which I think was the intended reading. It also wasn’t 100% clear to me how Canaan was fatally wounded at the end! This can be subjective, though I do recommend showing your drafts to beta readers if you don’t make a habit of that already, since they can offer feedback on writing clarity.
All in all though I enjoyed your sense of whimsy and the banter between your characters! Thanks for sharing your VN, and I hope I get to see more games from you!