I wanted to play this with my kids, so I made some... minor alterations:
GOBLIN WITH A FAT ASS BIG MESS
(replace every instance of "roll ass" with "roll mess")
HOW MESSY ARE YOU?
0 - shamefully organized
1 - bit of a mess
2 - big mess
3 - total mess
4 - chaos explosion
5 - chaos tornado
6 - entropy incarnate
7 - oh no