My goofy ahh uncle is holding me captive, and forcing me to watch crispy concord’s videos. My buddy Quindalius Barnacle Jones Jr got smacked in the head with a rhinoceros horn because he was listening to No Maidens. My grandpa punched me in the head at 90 mph and I was paralyzed from the waist up. Hey, Quandale Dingle here, I just escaped prison, I am staying at my friend Juan Dale Pringle’s house, As I was running away from cops, I fell and scraped some of my foreskin off. A guy named Garfield Jensen bent me over in the shower while I was in prison. My baby mama Shaniqua Anderson told me to pay child support so I gave my baby to creepy old guys.