English is not my first language, and run out of time to double check everything haha, I will fix it in the near future !
And about the context given, the narrative is written revolving arround i´s absence. Neither you or your character know really what´s happening, and olthough I think if done perfectly it can work, I could agree that some parts don´t really work as intended ( at the end you can´t rewrite a story 10 times for a gamejam hehe). I would get more specific, but don´t want to spoil anything someone who could stumble upon this comment.
All this said, Thanks for your feedback !! :)