(2/2)
Two odd points that struck me:
- "His bed seemed to be unmade, but that was hardly unusual. Ignoring what should have been a red flag, Shugo crawled into bed." This line sounds like it's saying "Everything was normal, he should have noticed." It makes more sense with the previous line about the door being shut, but it's a bit confusing since only this text appears on that screen.
- "...both girls sporting names just as abnormal as their magic." Satou and Masume sound perfectly normal though in a setting of Japanese names.
The storyline of the witch attacking them and the hearing about the one behind it all was very cool, hoping you continue the story!