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(+5)

Hello, thought I would leave some thoughts here.

Looking through the comments, I'm glad that you have so many satisfied fans. Maybe I'm not the target audience for this game. I hope that my constructive criticisms can maybe offer a different perspective. I played Kurato's route and I played until Day 22.

Let me start off with the best parts of the game. I adored the soundtrack, it was beautiful. I also enjoyed the melodic nature of the sound effects. The character art was gorgeous as expected.

Parts of the game I did not enjoy:

The most significant aspect of the game that I feel was not executed well was the world-building. Nothing was cohesive or explained. Every supernatural character under the sun exists in this universe and no one bats an eye, but it doesn't seem like this was the intention of the work. Everything is supposed to be secret, but A: almost every single side character is a supernatural creature or involved in the supernatural (usually a balance of human characters or supernatural skeptics helps keep this seem secretive and realistic). And B:  the MC isn't surprised at any of the supernatural creatures or events, when she should be. The first mention of the supernatural- the school ghost- the MC questions others if they believe in ghosts, but later when she sees it, she doesn't react at all. It would benefit the story for the MC to have shock and disbelief whenever she encounters any new phenomenon that normally would shock an average person. She just blindly accepts everything and then moves on a couple of lines later. There is no self-reflection at all. She just moves on.

The pacing also had significant issues. This story is supposed to be a horror story where the mystery of villagers disappearing is the main problem for the characters. But none of the characters seem freaked out or scared by this. Lioji in particular is extremely calm when he should be scared the most as he has insider knowledge. The MC often walks at night, breaking curfew, and isn't scared in the least. More emotional reactions would keep this feeling immersive and realistic. I couldn't care because the characters didn't care.

The pacing would improve if there was more push-and-pull to the events in the story instead of bad events happening quite often and then not getting resolved. There is never hints in the story, just straight events like villagers being kidnapped and killed. Nothing that could be creepy or is possibly ominous that the player could worry about or think about in the back of their mind. Things are told instead of shown, with low reaction from characters. I would suggest reading or watching more slower-paced horror to improve the feel of these sections. In particular, the first two manga volumes of Higurashi are insanely skillful at pacing, depicting scenes with hints of horror, slowly building the intensity until the reader realizes the true situation of the protagonist. Since the setup is similar, I couldn't help but feel that this work would be improved by adopting some of that strategy.

Finally, the dialogue just wasn't strong. The characters felt one-dimensional, due to the dialogue. For example, the scenes with the MC and her two friends don't feel like realistic scenes of friends talking together and having a good time. They just feel like characters either talking over each other or just simply advancing the plot. A lot of dialogue serves only to advance the plot. Additionally, the player gets tired of having mysteries about characters be hinted at by the characters themselves, then immediately unaddressed. In any normal situation the MC would press further for answers. Instead she just lets these topics go. I also thought that the romance felt very forced. It didn't feel organic. The characters would just suddenly get romantic when the cutscene art showed up on screen, then just forget it and get back to their normal personalities.
Plotwise as well some things didn't add up. A lot of characters were introduced only shortly before they became significant, so the player couldn't wonder about their purpose, it was pretty much instantly explained. For example, (SPOILER) Roya was introduced and then a couple days later, was killed. It is also confusing as he confessed to the murders, but the characters just chose not to believe him, and didn't show any evidence to the player. How is the player supposed to confirm that he wasn't the killer? Jace and Blace were also introduced suddenly mid-way through the game and were immediately involved in the main plot. (END SPOILER)

I really appreciate your work on this game and I'm glad that it makes so many people happy. I hope my criticisms can help you to improve this work. Feel free to message me  to respond or if you want more clarification on any of the issues I brought up.

(+2)

Hello! 

It's rare to receive constructive criticism. More than often people tell what they dislike, but not why or how it can be improved. I really appreciate your time in writing your detailed thoughts and sharing tips.

I agree that the story lacks an explanation in the supernatural department. Almost all, if not all, the characters are very accepting with the strange events occurring. Now I look back at the story, I wish that the characters had more moments to reflect.  The emotional development could have more layers. During the time I wrote the first draft, I had no much visual novels for reference. For example, I played Amnesia Memories where a side character has so much "inner monologue" that felt highly annoying. I took the extreme other side with my writing. In recent years,  I write stories that are closer to myself. Not only I feel more connected, but it's easier to take real life references than starting from scratch. This way the fictional world will feel more realistic. I should've done more research on this aspect.

I didn't take time to create a layout of the plot. All of the writing was done on impulse and edited multiple times later. The order of events was all in my head; it was easy to mess up the timeline, especially with so many plot lines. This project taught me to make better planning and create an overview.

My editors/proof readers often told me to show rather than tell. I've liked to add more reactions of the characters than leaving it open to interpretation. Most hints are left there because they're explained in other routes. One thing I did plan was that every storyline is connected through details even though they're from an entirely different perspective. I'm not sure how to explain the romantic aspect, because this is very subjective.  I tried exploring different pacing with every character. Kurato is the type that is the most open about it, while Zeikun takes a long time to show any affection. 

I want to improve my writing for future projects and critiques like these help me a lot! Aside from that, I continue to work on myself as a person too. I reflect more on my actions and I like to explore the creative field to expand my library. I think that sometimes a writer's personality reflects in their work. Whether it's their way of thinking or what they enjoy.

(+1)

Thanks for your reply as well! I'm glad this was helpful. Your insights into your creative process was really intriguing, and I'm glad you shared this.

It was really interesting to hear that you planned to avoid too much inner monologue- I'm glad that you steered clear of that as that is often a worse option. One possible way to show more reflection without going into thoughts or monologues is to expand on dialogue and add more emotional reactions. I also love the idea of the connected routes. I didn't get to experience this but it sounds like a really intriguing way to tie the whole story together.

Beginning works often set the course for success in later works so its great that you discovered new strategies that help you in your writing. I wish you the best of luck for future projects! If you ever need any assistance with editing or story development feel free to reach out to me. Good luck :)