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brushmen4 years ago

Hi, I’m responding based on your request for feedback on reddit. I did a quick read-through. I think the writing is good. :) I’m not sure about the ending from a storyteller’s perspective, but I get that’s not the point by your final message. :) Thanks for writing it.

  • Why are you interested in adding sound effects?
  • If you could provide option for different text/background color that can always be beneficial for accessibility reason.

Minor things:

  • “No is below to catch you”, probably missing “one” in there
  • “haircut.But”, probably missing a space after the punctuation
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GraceHowell4 years ago(+1)

Hi!  *waves*

I've fixed the minor things you mentioned.  Thanks for catching them!  Sometimes I type faster than my brain, but usually my brain is the one going faster.  Unfortunately, my brain is usually more on the story than anything else.

The only reason I wondered about sound effects is because of superhero comics.  All those 'BANG's and such.  I haven't added audio to anything in Twine before.  Videos and pictures, but not audio.

I'm not sure how to give the option to change colours or fonts, but I've read that it's possible.  Something to look into.  I'm honestly just so glad to have gotten the story written, since depression has made writing difficult lately.  But I was determined to get something done for the jam.  Then I shot myself in the foot by adding the superhero thing.  I cannot write battles.  Oops.  Then again, movies and comic books have to be over the top, not realistic.  And this is definitely small-scale.

Anyway.  Sorry this reply became so long.  But thanks for the feedback!

Grace.

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brushmen4 years ago

No worries. Reaching milestone often helps with feeling better about the self, I think. :)

My personal issue with audio is the volume control. If not careful they become unintended jump-scares.

Are your Twine stories in Harlowe format? I use Sugarcube 2, and in that it’s using CSS-variables, the addClass()/removeClass() to change text/background color, and put the option inside “Settings” section for user.

Vague battle is okay. But I was just confused about the logic of the train of thought right before the final action and then the fantastical element (that had one foreshadow before, but still felt kind of Wha? when it happened). Don’t worry about that unless too many people say it’s too out-of-left-field or something. I don’t trust my own logic on most days. XD

Take care.

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