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(1 edit) (+1)

God, I'm so late to this... :<

Well, anyway... This was something different, I'm not sure I've read a VN constructed in this way before. The contrast between the protagonist's deep struggles and the quirky fandom talk make it something of an emotional roller-coaster, and my mind kind of had problems to treat both parts as a cohesive whole. Same goes for the transition at the end and the romantic conclusions... The switch from the protagonist essentially being a creep and things going that far was a bit rapid, I think a more open conclusion would be easier to digest?

I feel the way you like to work with extremes is really shining when you construct dramatic stories but somewhat overwhelms the cuteness this VN seemed to be aiming for. That's my read at least, but to be clear, I still enjoyed it a lot and it left me with stuff to think about. :)

(+2)

Yeah, I think if you wanted the story to have a natural pace it'd essentially need to be twice as long. Most of the new content would be after the "confession" and there'd be significant turmoil before it resolved.

The main thing is that the protagonist would as depicted probably be utterly destroyed if things didn't go well and writing that would make the story even heavier, so I'd probably need to flesh her out further by balancing her emotions and sort of moving her anxiety and loneliness to a back row, where it's less all-consuming and more gradual, that way she'd appear more resilient to disaster. Problem with that is she'd probably be less sympathetic and take more time to become so, in order for the climax to hit her more, which again would make it longer!

These are all kind of excuses for the story not being long or elaborate enough, but I can just blame the game jam for that, which is easier than blaming me playing videogames instead of writing 👍 Glad you enjoyed it anyway!