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How do you change preferences, I am somehow a top when I usually don't select choices associated to it

You need to either continue using submissive techniques or you can craft submissive potions

So the submissive options only available to me is, jerk them and assplay in relief yourself

during combat if your teasing only fill the enemy gauge to half or a little more then submit to them this increases enemy attitude  to the positive and causes your character to become more submissive