I just read the story. It's ok, I mean- it's relatable to some extent. But the conclusion is a bit eh. I guess it depends on the readers how to interpret that, but I'm a bit disappointed since the build up is so good but after that it feels so short. I understand due to the limitation of time your team might not be able to make a longer one. Also you might need a proofreader because I spot quite a lot mistakes, typo and grammar-wise. Still I appreciate for your first VN, this is pretty good. The main menu video is cool too.