I played this VN months ago, and I decided to come back to this now to see its progress. I was really surprised at how there was a complete rewrite of the entire story, and not to mention there was barely any progress from where I left.
Okay, um... you're going to barely progress this way (mostly as a writer) if you keep on doing this.
I'd like to say that the VN is kind of 90% dialogue and 10% narration to me. (Whether this is good or bad, I don't know. This is a visual novel, and so, the art, images, and sfx already satisfy the reader when they read.)
To me, the narration or writing style felt more plot-driven or straight-forward. Of course, I still found the flowery language that's present.
Jayce's childish and goofy nature is really evident throughout the entire story. Maccon's character gives off 'big daddy' vibes (asides from the external looks). John is the naughty kind of boy while David has the enigmatic, quiet troublemaker trope I guess. As for Tom, eh, he's more of a friendly brother, I guess?
Personally, there were scenes that I found quite boring or slow, not much going on and kind of meh.
I've yet to go to the other routes, so I don't really have all that much to say.
Overall, I don't hate it. The best advice I have to say is, to literally just keep on going. Don't rewrite again unless you're finished or you have something that fundamentally changes the story. It can be bothersome to the readers, but hey, it's your story.