Hey all, just finished my first playthrough of the demo. I'm a big fan of the game so far, and I think it has the potential to be even more amazing.
What Works:
- I love the setup, how the characters are advising their creator on his not-so-great first novel. It's so original, and it's executed perfectly as well. It also is perfect for the VN format. I like that you choose who to talk to by going to different rooms of the house, and how each character wants the novel to turn out differently. I also like that you included an 8-day time limit so the player knows just how much time they have left in the game.
- The art is fantastic, both the character sprites and the background art. The characters look realistic and unique, and fit their descriptions. Kudos!
- The GUI is really nice, I love the memo-pad and sticky note theme.
- My favorite character so far is Dee Dee, second is Georgio/Scott. I just love how original Dee Dee is, she's this crazy thug woman in a pinstripe suit with brass knuckles, what's not to love? I also love Scott's crotchety-ness, its a fun contrast to the modern-ness of Ramfis, Elizabeth and Barry.
Criticism:
- Too much references! References are fun once in a while, especially when they add to a character (like Scott liking AC/DC). However, the sheer amount of references weighed the dialogue down and felt excessive. An example of this is the dialogue between Elizabeth and Ramfis on the first day of the rewrites. They only communicated in references for about 30 lines of dialogue and to be honest I ended up skipping through most of it because it just seemed unnecessary.
- I feel like Elizabeth wasn't developed (or maybe just wasn't as fun) as the other characters were. She's young and she likes movies, is that all to her? I feel like there should be a hook like there is with the other characters. What's interesting or unique about her? Also, I'd change her age to a little older. She looks 18 at the youngest.
- Too many modern terms! Way too much. I still can't believe Ramfis says "YOLO it!" Dialogue like this will get dated really fast, and might seem embarrassing to future players.
- I would elaborate on the character's visions for the novel. Scott's vision of a best-friend road trip and Barry's aid in Scott's quest for a woman were satisfying so far but I would love to hear just a little more about Dee Dee and Elizabeth's story goal. Add a little more YA-Fiction cheesiness to Elizabeth's dystopian future, how about an evil society, or a love triangle? There's so much potential to draw on the hilarious tropes of YA bestsellers. And Dee Dee's vision is missing a little bit of crime action, I would think with her tough persona she would mention a little bit more to her pulse-pounding action novel, maybe some other tough characters to contend with or who are after the cure, or Scott's fortune?
So far I think the demo is great, and I will be recommending it to a few people I know! There's not a lot that needs improvement, just a little dialogue changes, editing out references and modern slang would improve the game even more.
I wish you luck on your game and can't wait to play the full version!