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Best Duck Puns and Jokes

1. At what time does a duck wake up?
   At the quack of dawn.
2. What do ducks say when people throw things at them?
   “Time to duck!”
3. What is a chick’s favorite drink?
   Peepsi.
4. What is the baby duck’s favorite game?
   Beak-a-boo.
5. What do you call a rude duck?
   A duck with a quackitude.
6. What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
   Duck Tape.
7. What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
   “Let’s quack this case!”
8. What did the lawyer say to the duck in court?
   “I demand an egg-splanation!”
9. Why did the duck sleep under the car?
   Because he wanted to wake up oily.
10. What do you get if you cross a duck and Santa Claus?
    A Christmas quacker.
11. How can you tell rubber ducks apart?
    You can’t because they look egg-xactly the same!
12. What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
    “I hope I didn’t quack any!”
13. Where do tough ducks come from?
    Hard-boiled eggs.
14. What do you call a cow and two ducks?
    Milk and quackers.
15. What do you call a cat that swallows a duck?
    A duck-filled-fatty-puss.
16. When is roast duck bad for your health?
    When you’re the duck.
17. Did you hear about the duck who thought he was a squirrel?
    That was one tough nut to quack.
18. If a duck says “Quack quack,” what says “Quick quick?”
    A duck with hiccups.
19. What do you call a clever duck?
    A wise quacker.
20. What did the duck say when the waitress came?
    “Put it on my bill!”
21. Why do ducks check the news?
    For the feather forecast.
22. What happens when a duck flies upside down?
    It quacks up.
23. On what side does a duck have the most feathers?
    The outside.
24. What did the ducks carry their schoolbooks in?
    Their quack-packs.
25. Why did the duck cross the playground?
    To get to the other slide.
26. What do you call it when it’s raining ducks and chickens?
    Fowl weather.
27. What do you get when a duck bends over?
    It’s buttquack.
28. Why do ducks fly south for the winter?
    It’s too far to waddle.
29. Why did the duck get a red card in the football game?
    For fowl-play.
30. Where did the duck go when he was sick?
    To the ducktor.
31. What do you call a duck that steals?
    A robber ducky.
32. Two ducks were swimming in a pond. One of them said “Quack quack.”
    Then the other said, “Hey, I was about to say that!”
33. Why do ducks lay eggs?
    They would break if they dropped them.
34. Why was the teacher annoyed with the duck?
    Because he wouldn’t quit quackin’ jokes.
35. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Quack!
    Quack who?
    Quack open the door and you’ll see!
36. Why are ducks bad drivers?
    Their windshields are quacked.
37. What do you call a duck that loves fireworks?
    A fire-quacker.
38. What do ducks have with soup?
    Quackers.
39. What kind of TV shows do ducks watch?
    Duckumenteries.
40. How do ducks talk?
    They don’t; they quack.
41. What type of food do you get when you cross a duck with a mole?
    Quackamole.
42. What do you call a duck with fangs?
    Count Duckula.
43. What’s a duck’s favorite ballet?
    The Nutquacker. 
44. Why was the duck put into the basketball game?
    To make a fowl shot!
45. What did the duck say to the banker?
    “My bill is bigger than yours.”
46. Why do ducks say quack?
    Because it can’t say moo.
47. Why did the duck cross the road?
    He was tied to the chicken.
48. What do duck physicists say?
    “Quark, quark.”
49. Two ducks were skipping down a sidewalk when, suddenly, one tripped and fell. It got up and said to the other duck,
    “I’m sorry — I tripped on a quack!”
50. What is a duck’s favorite sea monster?
    The quacken.
51. Why do ducks never grow up?
    Because they grow down.
52. What show do ducks watch on TV?
    Duckumentaries.
53. What do mallards eat at a baseball game?
    Quacker-jacks.
54. What do pre-teen ducks hate?
    Voice quacks.
55. Why do ducks hate reading directions?
    They prefer to wing it.
56. What did the duck say to the corn it ate for lunch?
    You taste a-maize-ing.
57. What did the flying golf ball yell to the mallards in the pond?
    Duck!
58. Why did the duck go to the bank?
    He wanted to get a new bill.
59. What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
    A box of quackers.
60. Why did the duck cross the road?
    Because there was a quack in the sidewalk.
61. How do you get down off a horse?
    You don’t get down off a horse — you get down off a duck.
62. What language can a duck who converses with geese speak fluently?
    Portu-geese.