So, what I've noticed about visual novels is that they shine best in dialogue, and the more time you can spend in dialogue the better. I was not very into this novel until Rubia showed up and started talking to the MC, for example. Another thing is that the transition from dream NPC 1 to dream NPC 2 and then to MC inner thoughts was unclear, and I had to adjust who I thought was "talking" each time, so as a reader, that transition being more clearly demarcated would be appreciated. Otherwise, great demo dude, I appreciate the good level of vocabulary :)