I know it can be painful to live because we may be anchored by external forces. I used to think that the love people gave me is something bad and that they should stop giving me so much love so I can finally get rid of myself.
Honestly, I still suffer from suicidal ideation and it takes me awhile before I can get back up.
But right now, I think I was wrong for convicting the love that people gave me. It's something they so openly gave and yet I kept thinking that it was nothing but a hindrance to my permanent rest and bliss. I still do want some rest but I think I've learned that I don't need to be gone so soon.
There's still a lot of things I want to learn, so many things I want to try to do once I'm better, so many stories I want to know, and so many things I want to create. These things I lose sight of when I'm back in that really dark abyss of self-loathing but time and time again the bonds that I have helped me remember. These bonds aren't exclusive to family and friends as well. There's much media I've consumed that helped on keeping me alive. I'm hoping that the stuff I make is something that can do that as well.
When you're having a hard time, I hope you give yourself more time to appreciate how far you've come and the people you cherish. I hope that you're able to find inner peace or at least find enough love and determination to keep going forward.