Excellent example of the core of a Pitch Tweet and the Game Page, Trailer and Press Kit are good.
We think this is a standout entry!
Few suggestions:
1) Add a link and *ONE* clear Call to Action link -- what do you want people to do? Download the Demo & Wishlist on Steam? Sign up for Kickstarter? etc
2) Embed the link in the video using the Twitter Ad Card system -- join our Discord and find out how under the How-To-Twitter channel.
3) Use plain fonts for press kits and other communications.
4) Recommend having an editable Text file (Word or Google Docs) available for press as well. Copying and pasting from PDF is a pain.