Thanks for the review and all the detailed feedback!
It did end up being shorter than I was aiming to create for the jam, yes. This stopped about halfway into the first chapter of what I was thinking of in total (eventually) being a 3 chapter (or Act) story. I'm very happy you think it has potential!
The opinion of the characters was meant to give some more control over the MC's prexisting relationships to characters, but yes on a first playthrough this doesn't make much sense. I'll look at replacing this with some less explicit choices as reactions :D
Thanks for mentioning about the formatting - I hadn't really thought about it but its obvious now that it's got inconsistent spacing regarding paragraphs which I will be fixing. (I blame choicescript requiring the *new_line command to create a line break... heh.)
The italics were meant to be the character's internal dialogue and so appear in first person.. Possibly this isn't as clear as I'd thought as this is the second mention of it, I'll see if I can find some examples where an author does this so I can better use it.
I've edited the itch page to fullscreen mode now - thanks for the tip!