Hello developer! Thank you for taking the time to engage and for putting yourself out there with Deviant Anomalies. Lots of potential. There are some really good animations, erotic situations, character design, scene design, sandbox game-play... I'd like to reiterate that my frustration comes from a good experience turned sour through writing choices.
However, you put the project out there into the world, and it will be judged as it is written now. I'm sorry, but I don't believe you regarding why he says all those things later. ;) That's a classic artistic excuse. It's okay to internalize and learn from your mistakes. Your writing is far from flawless and posturing that it is will do both you and your future fans no favors.
*Spoilers*
There is no "later reveal" that could ever explain why the MC doesn't know what a drunk person sounds like in that moment. She has bottles there, we are meant to believe she is drunk, and if its revealed later that the MC somehow knew she was only acting or some other "I planned him to sound dumb all along", it doesn't explain why he wouldn't think she was drunk in that moment with the information both he and the reader have. This is a very small example of why I can't stand how clueless the MC sounds, but it is one among many. All you have to do is add the line, "is she drunk?" and none of this would exist. If this is a setup for something HOURS later or that's not even implemented in this version, it does not work at all/pulls me away from caring about the MC.
Of course the succubus isn't only in his head. Knowing that doesn't change my opinion about how unintelligent he sounds in that moment.
And blabbing to a random woman about a murder investigation and a hidden camera while he knows she is headed to the church... that was the nail in the coffin. I know you were trying to do something cleaver for the head nun's characterization, but in my opinion, it backfired spectacularly. It felt forced, and transparent, and frustrating to go through.
I, the reader, knew this was mother superior very early in the conversation.
The only thing I can think of is that you intend to reveal that the MC knew who she was the whole time and was blabbing on purpose, but we the reader have no reason to know that he knows. This is not set up or believable. It's a bad way to write a plot- in my opinion. Maybe this is not what your "later reveal" is, but either way, as it's written and presented at this moment- you lost me.
I hope you take the feedback seriously. A lot of people enjoy your work, but never forget you are never done improving your craft. Best of luck!
Im not interacting with you to be defensive. I'm always on the lookout for things to improve the game on. And I'm glad you took the time to give feedback.
Perhaps you should re-read certain portions of the game. There are many instances of foreshadowing already, especially regarding the church and mother superior.
I won't spoil it but you'll know why when the case is resolved. Maybe it would be fun if you go back and re-read the case and try to find things you might have missed. I love to do that when watching movies or playing games.
