Following up, it's interesting! I really wanna start by saying, as someone else who's had a shot at turning around a bit of interactive fiction for a game jam, my god is it hard, and my god have you done a better and more substantial job of it that I ever have. More to the point, you've got a really solid concept, the sort of thing you can really sink your teeth into. I think though, there's a bit of a feeling that the plot is getting away from you? There's all these ambitious ideas and concepts and stats to keep track of, but unless you can let the player fully interact with them, the game can maybe feel a bit lacking in depth/variety.
Maybe a good way to refine it would be force yourself to rewrite the story to take place over... a week? Three days? Not only can you keep up your story's momentum a lot more easily, but when you're not focused on writing a month's worth of content there's a lot more room to give the player some sense of freedom/deeper involvement.
Really hope this doesn't sound negative - I just sincerely love a chance to chat about writing in games, so the fact you've given me such a cool piece with so much to chat about is really all I could have asked for!