Writing: Pretty good. I like that if you say you like sports she remembers it later on.
Theme: It doesn’t look scary at first, but you can sorta figure out it will change later on, and then it does get scary.
Audio: Pretty good, although I kinda feel like the keyboard typing sound might be a modern keyboard. And I think it would have been fun if there was voice acting, but I guess there’s plot reasons not to have that. I wonder if Melissa would have been able to compose music herself, I mean, you can do a lot with 4 kB of RAM. (And yeah, I like that there’s music in some places but not in others as if the “game” itself were playing it.
Visuals: Really good, especially considering how little time it took you to make it. Did you consider making this VN playable on the hardware it’s inspired by? I feel like it should be technically possible (not quite sure about the screenshake effects though).
Fun: It was fun. Maybe a bit short, but I’m not sure what I would have added. In fact, the obvious place to add stuff would have been before it gets scary, but that would sorta de-emphasize the scary part. I think it’s pretty fun the way it is, although I think it’s not necessarily the type of VN I like most (I kinda like when things are a bit silly, like if I click the “quit” button on the main menu in the web version and it opens a new tab and it says “I’m sorry, but I can’t allow you to do that” (that’s a reference to HAL)… wait… you almost did that, but the tab that opened is blank).