Thanks so much for sharing all of this, it can't have been easy for you. Facing ourselves and finding out we're not who we thought we were is a harrowing experience. I went through counseling when I was in my twenties (many, many years ago) when I found out the path I was on was not what I really wanted. It was the start of a life-long journey of self-discovery and acceptance which is still going on. I'm proud of you for having the guts to face your problems and do something about them, most people never do, they just try to soldier on and keep trying to fill the emptiness that can't be filled by doing the same things over and over. I wish you well on your journey and have faith in you.