Good start! Interesting plot, great art, backgrounds and several varied characters.
Now, I want to make it clear that I DID enjoy this first release, but I did find a few issues with it as well. Thankfully, there are two comments below that highlight exactly what I wanted to say; Kallier's comment regarding the grammar, punctuation and syntax, although harsh, is probably about as accurate as I could write myself. I noticed it was often inconsistent and at times would flow awkwardly. I also noticed quite a few times that the wrong name popped up in reference to the dialogue too. You might want to consider proof-readers to remedy this? The second comment is Kentaro Manedwuff's criticism of the length; I won't say it's too long myself, but there were times when a particular scene would begin to feel very drawn out or I would start to get very bored of the MC's thoughts/rambles. I would consider condensing it a little - at least trim down the repetitive interactions perhaps (MC's complaints about the food, Marruk being a prick, etc)
Other criticisms I haven't seen mentioned include how fast we progressed from simple, single words and phrases for the "A.I's benefit" to immediately holding and understanding casual conversations within a few days. I'm also not sure if Rhoun is just constantly nervous or has a stutter.
Again, I do like what you've got there, but these issues do tend to ruin the immersion and there were times where I was just clicking through the dialogue waiting for something interesting to pop-up because I'd lost interest in a drawn out scene. If you can manage to fix these issues - which I think you can, clearly - you'll have a great VN here.