Post by Obesogen in Divine Dawn comments

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This is a bit of an early review, but I feel like I need to express what I have experienced so far. I actually have quite a bit of criticism for this game. It is not uncommon for me to be the only one complaining about a game/story, but I knew I would have to do it when I saw all of the glowing responses that seemed too good to be true...

The writing is actually the most conflicting part of this game for me. While the amount of work done on this game is incredible (most major visual novels of comparable size are using multiple (ghost) writers and yet this is a solo-project that is more ambitious than famous visual novels from Japan that cost $40 or more), the writing is inconsistent in many ways. First of all, after meeting the first five characters, it feels like too many characters are going to be girls and all of them are basically idiots. The main character sounds pretty normal, but the dialogue from the girls so far is way too off from the setting. Everyone is talking like they are casually chatting on the Internet and there are even lines that approach meme humor. And everyone is way too sarcastic as if they are not actually experiencing half of the things that are happening. Metatron is an exception to the rule, but it feels like you are just restraining your tendency to write characters that way by writing as little dialogue as possible for her. You also claim that she thinks really fast, but nothing she said so far displayed rapid thought beyond human levels and she is in some ways slow to be reasonable.

The descriptions on the other hand, tend to be very serious and like a literary classic, but they also can do a pretty poor job at explaining things and the background image of the area can feel detached from all of the descriptions. It can be really hard to tell how the scene is flowing and sometimes words are dropped to the extent that it feels like thoughts were forgotten. And character motivations and personalities can seem so inconsistent. There is this one scene that sticks out in my mind where Ashley walks backward in fear or something (the description was not clear) and then Sarah randomly said something like "How incorrigible!" when Sarah had been talking like everyone else up until that point. There also is the fact that the first thing we learn about the main character is how they wanted to save the world even if there was no apparent threat... Yet, everyone including the main character treats it as a joke and a childish thing that should be forgotten even though the adventure has clearly become real at the beginning of the story. And the description of characters' thoughts and reactions can be so anime, as in people reacting in ways they should not just because certain anime-esque situations come up that are always presented the same way in an anime. Basically, the characters seem like they are held back because of constant playful aggression, sarcasm and "obligatory" actions. Oh yeah, and the main character talks to his best friend with male terms, which seems like such a modern and unnecessary way to express a friendship. And why does Sam feel so much remorse over her actions when she was so careless in a completely important and special situation as if none of it mattered? It came across as completely fake to me. Lastly, I am almost certain that Metatron gets compared to an alien, but why would any of these characters come from a culture where they think about aliens? Some of the descriptions gave me the impression that beings already are capable of interplanetary travel, as well...

One last oddity I noticed is that sentence structure is quite wild. There are some crazy run-on sentences, some which switch perspective or subject in a way that clearly should be a new sentence. And then other sentences were really short.

I am probably nitpicking way too much, but I just wanted to get these things off my mind and maybe hear some background as to why these things may have been written. On another note, I have a pretty strong vocabulary, but this story has brought up like 15 words that I did not know or was unsure about, so far. I feel like the intense vocabulary (mainly in descriptions) is what is impressing so many people. I guess, there are also quite a few descriptions that are beyond my ability to write or imagine that employ that vocabulary.

Edit: Oh, one last thing. I do not understand why everyone "rips in half with a glare". This is the most consistent phrase in the writing and is really bad hyperbole and feels like only one character should be doing it. And the main character is kind of grating with how they use a swear word in a bunch of sentences that should be more calm.

ToeKnobLicker1 year ago(+6)(-2)

Too long didn't read

JPDSTFO1 year ago(+2)

gamer reviwer.

Msosn1 year ago(-1)

I agree, you’re nitpicking. If anything, it’s mostly hyperbole and reads as if you simply did not take the time to read what the game presented.

Take your mention of “rips in half with a glare” apparently being the most consistent phrase in the game for example. Out of 15 instances of the word “glare” appearing in the game as of version 0.22e, only two instances are ones that mention “rips in half” in any capacity. Of these, one appears in lost_temple.rpy on line 841 and the other in post_lost_temple_shenanigans.rpy on line 1563. In other words, your complaint is about two instances in the introduction of Ashley, Sarah and Metatron, when the game currently has some 20-25 hours of gameplay and is around 310 thousand words.

Regarding Metatron thinking fast, keep in mind that it is the player character who suspects that she does. He even says as much on line 1434 in lost_temply.rpy: “— giving her near-instant planning earlier you suspect that she just thinks really fast.” Nor is the player character specified as a reliable narrator either, as far as I’m aware, and given it’s in a first-person perspective. Anything we as players experience will be limited by it. Still, thinking fast does not constitute replying fast, if anything, were I to speculate, you’d be easier to get lost chasing potential eventualities that may occur because you have so much time to reply. Regardless, it is not out of character for Metatron, so it does not matter.

Regarding your mention of Ashley walking backwards in fear, because apparently the description was not adequate enough, what was difficult to understand about them following a corridor and “running into a wall. Figuratively speaking, in your case; literally in Ashley’s, since she was walking backwards.”? That was why Sarah said “You are absolutely incorrigible.”, because Ashley do as Ashley does. Not only does this fit Sarah’s vocabulary, as established earlier when the player meets them, but also Ashley’s character as can be clearly seen in the same introduction. This is unlikely to be a unique first-time act, which is further reinforced by Sarah reacting like she does this often.

Alien does not necessarily mean extraterrestrial, I’d recommend checking the definition before commenting on such.

Likewise, as an example of the above, not every sentence needs to be short or long. They can be adapted as needed. Metatron’s introduction being a good example, it is something alien to what the player character knows and serves it well with a deeper description of it. Meanwhile, Ashley being Ashley does not necessarily mean she needs an expansive description, short and to the point can not only work but also make things better, given how they’re executed.

The vocabulary of the game is pretty good, it has good descriptions of situations, varied word use and some less common words nowadays. This does not detract from the story, people are able to use contextual clues to figure out words they don’t know most of the time either given fluency as a base requirement. But this is subjective, I personally met no words I didn’t already know, but what does that matter? Likewise, your comment on cursing is also massively subjective. I personally do not like cursing, but it is commonplace nowadays and is not something that is uncommon to occur in both calm and less calm situations.

TL;DR: The writing of this game is one of its best points, get your hyperbole outta here.

Obesogen1 year ago(-2)

Your criticism is definitely hyperbolic here. All of my complaints were valid and you are just bandwagoning because of how little you value honesty and justice. Even if the exact phrase only came up twice, that is still within a short span of time and I am 90% sure there was a phrase or two approximating it. And you are retarded if you think my knowledge of English is too limited to understand that alien can mean outsider. The context of the sentence definitely comes across as more like an extraterrestrial. Even if it was not, it is still a ridiculous statement for someone who clearly has not traveled much and seen many things to act like she was especially outlandish compared to the world at large. There are a lot of people who stand out as strange in the story and this kind of dialogue shows a lack of awareness of how the characters would fit into their world.

Generally, the writing improves after the first stretch of the game. I can not remember having any real complaints about the rest that I played except that they decided to use Atlantis as the name of an underwater city while everything else seems to have original naming.

itch.io

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