Wow, I was really into the story until the "my name is Bonnie" thing happened, but that wouldn't be bad (although I was hoping I could write whatever name I wanted, but oh well), but then there was that silly joke scene with Fang and that cut leaving the story as something fictitious, I mean, a fiction within another story.
And I don't agree with Hank at all, I understand that he likes the submissive male vs. dominant male fetish more... but I was really liking the dynamic of Fang showing that tender side.
That cut of the story completely took me out of the story. But well, later I will continue to see how it goes.
Edit:
What? Taco Bell? Oh... I see, is this a comedy? I didn't see any signs of this anywhere, I feel cheated, I was expecting a romance story D:
But I enjoyed several moments, and I can only thank you considering that it is free. But I was expecting something that takes itself seriously.