You should know that I'm going through a very similar situation in regard to self-love as it pertains to relationships. I do it to myself, though. Nobody ever says "Adam, this is what we expect from you". I often feel like there's something everyone else knows that I don't.
I know that we don't know each other, but I'll be here for you or anyone else reading going through something similar. We're in the same boat. Stay strong. We'll get through this together.