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(+7)

Soooo... i gave birth past my due date this week.. well last week seeing as it's monday morning in the AMs writing this. Rushed into the hospital with my first. After a failed natural birth, a failed assisted extraction.. rushed into surgery for a c section. I was exhausted and out of it and woke up to my husband telling me our daughter had stopped breathing for 15 minutes. I think my heart stopped right there. And that wasn't even the only complication. 

They managed to resuscitate her but now we are in the unknowns.. 


What was the damage..?

How severe is it?

How will it affect her?

How will it present itself?

Is she gonna suffer..?


And why the fuck wasn't I..  her mother just able to bring her into the world normally.. safely.. I failed..

She's currently in a neonatal icu ward and I can hopefully bring her home soon. And she is the most beautiful thing in my whole existence and I still feel like I completely just fucked up the one job I had.. 


This story made Me cry and not feel so alone.. thank you.. I haven't actually cried since I left the hospital. 

(+7)

(cw surgery) 

thank you for sharing and i'm so sorry for what you have been through ❤

i have really struggled replying to this because i also had an emergency c section after what could be considered a challenging labour and it took me a little while to come to terms with it, so i don't want to offer what will now just feel like empty platitudes.

in the UK, my doctor told me that about 40% of births are performed by C section - did you know that? i felt like i had failed to do the Normal thing too, but now its another tool we have to get babies into the world just like "natural" birth.

you went through hours of pain and had your body sliced open to bring her into the world and i don't think that there is any failure in such an amazing show of sacrifice and love for your daughter. you have done everything you can for her and if there is anything i have learned so far it's that the most important part of successful parenting is continuing to do it even when things are hard, which you're doing in spades at the moment ❤

sending you all my love xoxo