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Hello, everyone. Friends, family...

We are gathered here today to mourn the death of 4 double chocolate chip cookies, as they were eaten by ants...

These ants have all been sentenced to death in hopes that it would bring peace and closure to the ones who knew these cookies well.

I myself was a close friend... these cookies were more than just snacks to me... they were like family... and even though they can't be here right now... I know they live on... in our hearts... and in those dead ants' stomachs.

My favorite memory was when I was eating their brothers while watching a kid's show and when it came to them I... I decided I was full... they were the 4 best cookies in the bunch... with the most chips in them. I never got to tell them that... or eat them... sorry... I'm tearing up...

Would... anyone else like to share anything about them?

Yes, I do


Chocolate chip cookies are truly the best cookies

But those cookies eaten by those horrid ants were the best of the best, they had a cruel and unfair fate

Those ants deserved to fall at the hands of a magnifying glass and the sun, a long and painful death.

May those cookies rest in peace

Wow, beautiful words. Thank you.

I would like to thank everyone for being here today. If no one else wishes to speak, which I'm pretty sure of since no one else attended, I suppose that concludes this. I will leave you all to mourn in peace and reminisce on the memories of such... beautiful cookies. Thank you.

*nod nod*

Rest in peace cookies