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Thank-you for answering my question,

is there anything specific I have to do to make them optional? Like choosing something in the preferences menu or not kidnapping anyone & bringing them to my lair

Or is it optional from the start I.e i have the option to decline whenever the prompt first shows up in the start of Act lV

(+2)

You can decline it. You can still kidnap anyone you want and not have to choose a consort