I love all the backgrounds and character sprites that are in this. They're painted wonderfully. Millie has such great aesthetic. The world building and the mentioned power have me intrigued. The dialogue between Millie and Rosalline was pretty funny as well.
If you decide to update this I suggest changing the background colour of the UI to be a dark brown to match your main menu. Currently with the white it is incredibly hard to read all the yellow text that appears in the VN.
Also there are a fair bit of typos I found that I'll list here so you can quickly fix them if you so wish.
- "Becuase"-> "Because"
- "theives" -> "thieves"
- "busicuts" -> "biscuits"
- "voulenteer" -> "volunteer"
- "sarm" - "swarm"?
- "leder" -> "leader" or "elder"?
- "thier"-> "their"