So THAT patch is finally out, and I can now play without my ears wanting to bleed.
HOWEVER. Now all the text is misaligned. "1UP" and "HI-SCORE" are cut off at the top of the screen; "CAST" and "SCORING" in the intro are half buried under the game logo; the coin count doesn't line up with the coin; other messages stick half a character height above the black-background box provided for them. Even Achievement messages are cut off.
There's "clearly didn't playtest for even half a minute", and then there's "clearly didn't even LOOK at the patched game before shipping it". It's beyond reprehensible - it's pitiable at this point. This game deserves better than this. I look forward to three months from now when this is patched and something even more obviously and immediately apparent is needlessly broken at the same time.